


(I'm) Not Enough

by YellowSpatula



Series: Robbe and Sander - Rode Gordijnen [4]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Self-Hatred, robbe's still strong tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 21:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21482950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowSpatula/pseuds/YellowSpatula
Summary: You don’t jump. You’re not even good enough for that. You’re never good enough.Or, some of Robbe's thoughts as he runs off in Zaterdag 21:35.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Series: Robbe and Sander - Rode Gordijnen [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537438
Comments: 1
Kudos: 68





	(I'm) Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Very brief description of suicidal thoughts.

The cold air cuts like knives against your skin. You tell yourself that you deserve it. The bruises on your stomach and arms decide to act up, now that you’re running down the streets, trying to _ get away. _ Get away from Noor and her stupid screams. Away from Jens and Moyo and Aaron. Away from Sander. They don’t give a fuck about you, anway.

You don’t know where you’re going, you only know that your legs burn with exhaustion. It’s hard to run, when you feel so heavy. You don’t know what’s weighing you down - except you do, because Sander had made you believe that you were the future. That it was over with Britt.

That he _ loved _you.

But, as usual, you weren’t enough, were you? It wasn’t even hard for him to leave you. Except, he didn’t ever leave you, did he? Instead he had let you kiss him, let you tell him things you’ve never told anyone before. He let you believe that you were worth it. It was probably only some fucked up experiment on his part, anyway. To see how hard it was to lure the closeted gay kid out of the closet. 

You press down on the bruises from last night, telling yourself that the pain that shoots out from the blue marks into the rest of your body is pain you deserve. Jens was right the other day, you’ve been shitty lately. You should’ve kissed girls, instead. Except you don’t _ want _ to kiss girls. You want to kiss boys - you want to kiss _ Sander. _

You want to kiss the boy that broke your heart without a second thought. It was so nice with him. Not just kissing, _ everything _ had been beautiful with him. The sleepless nights didn’t feel as lonely, with the scent of him on your sheets and the text from him on your phone to keep you company.

Too bad it had all been a lie, wasn’t it? You understand him, though, you wouldn’t want you either. You didn’t understand what he saw in you, but you revelled in his kisses and touches, anyway. Like some idiot. Of course he wouldn’t want you. Who would, right?

  
You couldn’t even make one person happy enough to stay. You’re pretty sure you’re genetically bound to fuck everything - _ everyone - _up. Serves you right. You’d never be enough, in the end. Better to be left now, so that people don’t have to be around you, anymore. It’s not hard to leave you, so you can’t blame him, in the end. 

You’re standing on the edge, ready to jump. There are lights, on the other side of the water. They light up the dark evening sky. There’s probably some party, over where the lights are. You think that it would be nice last thing to see, before you step over the edge. Before you’d let yourself fall to the bottom embrace the dark void. You’d probably die before anyone found you. No one would even be out looking, probably. 

You want your phone to go off. You want someone to want to talk to you. You phone doesn’t go off. Instead it’s silent. You don’t hear anything else except the beating of your heart in your ears. The only thing you feel is the cold tears falling down your cheeks, the numbness of your fingers. It’s probably close to zero degrees out.

You don’t jump. You’re not even good enough for that. You’re never good enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> So this was it. It was hard to write, but I feel like I somehow owe this to Robbe. Also, our baby's so strong, honestly. Like he didn't let those assholes force him back into the closet and honestly? We stan. He deserves so much better, though.


End file.
